The beginning

 I sit here on my messy bed with my chunky seven week old as he nurses, listening to his contented baby noises as his belly fills with milk. Laundry covers the bedroom floor with monstrous piles of guilt. The boys room looks as though the glorious heavens opened up and spewed out every toy know to man kind. I'm convinced that the toys come alive at night and the mischievous little match box cars place themselves in the direct pathway to the bathroom for sleepy, unexpecting victims to impale their feet upon. The rest of the house is in a similar state. It will probably remain this way for the next eighteen years or so when my children are grown. Then I will be missing them terribly, wishing they were still small enough to kiss whenever I want to and turn my house upside down in two minutes flat.

I have dreams. Dreams of one day running a marathon. Dreams of finally taking a honeymoon with my husband. Dreams of being recognized as successful as a professional. Between diaper changes, singing the ABC's, and talking my toddler down from tantrums, I work towards these dreams.

On days that I don't go to the gym, I pack the kids into my super fly B.O.B stroller and hit the pavement with fish snacks, Sippy cups and Pandora in tow. I am working towards running my second half marathon in the spring with my best bud Melanie. Since I just gave birth to my second son seven weeks ago I can run about two SLOW miles, ending the session sputtering and gasping for air. But I love it. I love when my feet match up to the beat of the song blasting through my head phones. Its almost as though I'm dancing and my neighborhood is the background for some super awesome music video.

As far as becoming a professional something or other, I suppose I'm a jack of SOME trades. I have enjoyed testing out the waters in all sorts of fields. I am a certified beauty school drop out. This may seem like a waste to some but I can now whip up some seriously wicked hairstyles for my family. I've ventured into the college waters which was very valuable in reminding me how much I dislike sitting in a chair for hours and doing homework. I've also dabbled in the health field which l love. Anything regarding healthy living, life coaching and exercise lights a fire in me and I thrive on applying it to my daily life. Perhaps someday I will plunge deep into those waters professionally and decide to stay.

For now I am content knowing that I am doing the most important job in the world. Some may think that the things that fill my day aren't worth much. Sometimes I feel the same way. But then I pause and ask myself what else in the world I could be doing that would bring such satisfaction and purpose to my life? The things I teach my children are the foundation in which my son's will build their life. I am a curator of happiness and will someday become the voice in my children's heads.

Some days it's a thankless job. Some days I think that nothing I do matters. But then something happens. Perhaps my toddler points out a letter from the alphabet after singing the abc's for the gazillionth time or simply shares a toy with a friend without being told. Or maybe my baby gives me a big gummy smile because he recognizes me or perhaps he has gained an extra pound at his check up. Those are the moments when I know deep in my heart that I'm right where I need to be. I may not be influential over hundreds or thousands of people but I am more important than anyone in the world to two little beings. And that's all that I need to know.